Do you love you?
“YOU’RE ALWAYS WITH YOURSELF, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL ENJOY THE COMPANY”
In many coaching sessions I always start by looking at my client’s life holistically. We use the Wheel of Life that covers several sections of life in general.
One of the sections in this wheel is Romance.
Now as soon as I say romance, one thing generally springs to mind: romance with a partner, or with another person, but what about the romance you have for yourself?
Do you spend time loving yourself, knowing your worth and enjoying being you?
In a world where we’ve been raised to put others first, self-love can often feel selfish. I spoke about being ‘positively selfish’ a few weeks ago and I believe this ties in with self-worth and loving who you are.
Setting aside time for ‘self-love’ often causes feelings of guilt, and we struggle to maintain a dedicated self-love practice. I would be the first person to put my hand up to say I preach how we must put ourselves first and look after ourselves physically and mentally, but would be the first person to put someone else before my own needs. It’s frustrating.
We know we need self-love, yet we have difficulty giving ourselves permission to experience it. Ironic, isn’t it?
We’re living in an era where the self-love revolution is gaining momentum, yet we have trouble doing the work; it goes against everything we were raised to believe. We were never taught self-love in school…
So, what did we learn?
We learned to put others first. We learned the importance of success. We learned to work hard and make money. But we didn’t learn how to keep ourselves feeling fuelled for that journey. And I think that’s the biggest mistake. How are we going to achieve all that we want to achieve if we don’t know how to look after ourselves first?
Self-love is our fuel; it’s the foundation for who we are. Everything builds on top of this foundation, and if it isn’t solid, life feels shaky. I’ve been through many periods in my life where I say ‘I don’t like myself’ and I worry, if I don’t like myself then who else will – I am sure I am not alone.
I know you might be thinking – but Bec, if you don’t do it yourself why are you teaching/preaching it. Well I believe we are all on a journey to better ourselves and this is one of my ‘in progress’ sections. My lack of self-love, I think, stems down to caring too much what other people think about me, the constant comparison and sometimes jealousy.
However, we are always going to be us, so we have two options – we ENJOY and love ourselves, or we spend the rest of our lives very unhappy individuals.
Loving yourself first and creating that deep, internal relationship has countless magical benefits. The moment we start loving ourselves, we experience shifts—positive shifts. Life begins to move forward with more ease and things begin to magically fall into place. Relationships improve. Health improves, and life begins to feel good—really good—ridiculously good!
So what steps are going to do this for us…
- LET’S PREVENT SELF-SABOTAGE
You know when everything is finally going great, and then suddenly you sabotage that great feeling by doing something destructive? It’s time to stop that destructive behaviour, the negative self-talk and comparison. Self-love makes that saboteur behaviour go away. As we grow that love within, it becomes easier to accept good things in life.
- DROP THE ‘VICTIM’ MENTALITY
I spoke a few weeks ago about living from CAUSE or EFFECT. Living in CAUSE and living with self-love is all about taking ownership; owning up to your actions, and how you choose to show up in this world. The only reason you adopt a victim mentality is because you refuse to see the role you play in your experiences. When you begin to prioritise self-love, you start to view your experiences differently. It’s all about learning lessons, not denying them. Ownership is empowering.
- FIND YOUR ‘HAPPY’
The first thing I want you to do is write a list of EVERYTHING that makes you happy. Anything and everything that makes you smile, laugh or feel warm inside. No matter how big or small everything on that list brings you happiness. Make sure you gaze across this list and make be sure to do at least one of these things weekly!
By seeking happiness from outside sources, you will have happy moments, but you won’t find long-lasting happiness. Self-love helps you get your groove back. It’s simple, really. The more love you show yourself, the better you feel. And the better you feel, the happier you become. You are in charge of your happiness, and self-love is the key to finding it.
This week let’s all work together on our self-love. Self-love is not selfish. Self-love is about connecting to your innermost needs, celebrating the freedom of being you, and honouring who you truly are, while dropping your destructive patterns.
I learning to love me.
Do you love you?